When I couldn’t find a job in the English field right out of college, I took a job as a youth counselor and foster care caseworker with a local non-profit. Once I found other like-minded smart asses, we would spend large amounts of time amusing ourselves in any way we could, usually at the expense of the agency.

The company advertised a job opening for a new CEO. I’m pretty sure that it appeared right below the job posting for “cafeteria worker” on the company website. I decided that I was going to put in a bid for CEO, despite being more qualified for the cafeteria worker position, given my extensive prior experience in the food service industry.

I didn’t actually send this, but I did send it to my close-knit group of coworkers, M, L, and M. Without those three and their unparalleled depths of humor and sarcasm, I never would have survived that job.

Note: Names and agency name have been changed. Also, my maiden name was Christian, in case you hadn’t already deduced that. Final note, I was an awesome caseworker, despite my constant shenanigans and rebellion against the shoddy management team.

Memo date: April 2, 2008

Re: Jennifer Christian, Bid for CEO

“I have decided to put my name in for the open CEO position at Berbuf Agency. I feel I have just as good chance as anyone and feel that I am the right person for the job. I am ready to preside over this agency and push it forward into the new decade.” Ms. Christian will continue to serve in the capacity of caseworker with the foster/adoptive services unit until she gets bored with it and appoints someone else to her position.

Ms. Christian began her career with Berbuf Agency in September of 2005 and was successfully promoted from Counselor I to Counselor II after only seven months of group home fun, including residents trying to stab her with safety pins, throwing the 2006 New Years Day’s feast all over the kitchen floor, being kicked in between the eyes while breaking up a fight, and having a resident wipe a booger on her face.

As difficult as it was for Ms. Christian to say goodbye to the group home shenanigans, she found the strength and courage to accept a position at our foster care branch where foster parents wipe metaphorical boogers on her face every day. While most employees age 5 years with every two years served at the agency, Ms. Christian has defied the odds by appearing to have aged 10 years in her short tenure with the company. “I find that a nightly wrinkle cream does the trick. I opened up my 403B with the hope of using it towards a face lift and other anti-aging procedures. With my contributions coupled with the agency’s, I should be able to afford it by the time I’m 87.”

Armed with her ripped Berbuf Agency tote bag and her Liquid Paper™ White-Out stick, this semi-highly motivated caseworker plans to defy the odds and become the first female CEO at Berbuf Agency. With memberships on Treatment Team, Contracting committee, and Major Staff committee under her belt, there’s no stopping this driven individual. “I’m not one of those politicos who will try to win your support with promises of vending machines in every group home and Casino Nights at the bar. I can’t promise those things, but we can dream, can’t we?”

This June 2008, remember to vote for Jennifer C(EO)hristian.